art, spirit, textiles, fibre, dreams, nature, love, life...

Thursday, August 6, 2009

i got lost

I got lost, really really lost after the last solstice, i have never suffered from depression before, it just kind of crept up on me ... got me from behind when i wasn't looking.
Came over like a big dark cloud, and stayed for a while.


As the solar eclipse passed, i hung on to what was precious in my life, my boys, my partner, my art, my health, my sanity... then they started to slip away...

Painting.... my passion became a struggle.
Pap test reveals pre cancerous cells,
Fibroids have invaded my womb,
Doctor tells me i have depression, anxiety, and complete exhaustion, prescibes anti depressants...
Have to have time off work to get fixed...no work = no money
My big boy leaves home.... the same weekend i found out my partner has been with another woman.
Sanity slips away
OK universe...how much do want to squeeze into 10 days! ok, maybe it was over a month, but felt like a really short amount of time.

ENOUGH!

Crap!... just re-read my last 2 posts.... didn't see that coming!

2 comments:

Jasmine said...

I wish I could give you a hug. I've had a roller coaster of 12 months which at times seems never ending. At times it is hard to make sense of it and it is even harder to accept. But things slowly work themselves out. Maybe you'd get inspiration from a new medium of expression, by learning a new craft. It's not always easy to revert back to ways of old when your life has changed...

A person asked God “What surprises you most about mankind”. God replied. They lose their health to make money and then lose their money to restore their health. By thinking anxiously about future, they forget the present, such that they lived neither for the present nor for the future. They live as if they will never die, and they die as if they had never lived.

(I don't believe in god, Mother nature guides my path, but the sentiment is true non the less.)

Crafty Little Witch said...

After reading your message, i wrote "YOUR Life has changed... welcome these new beginnings" and stuck it to my bathroom mirror (its full of quotes and affirmations).
Thankyou for your words and kindness Jasmine.
blessed be.