Adventure bound

My biggest boy left home this weekend, city bound for more adventure than what a little coastal island can offer.

Always been adventurous this one, fearless, brave, mischievous, gentle.


We grew up together, i had Jamie at 18, hes now 19 and almost a man... hate to sound all cliche... but where does it go, all that time,
it flashes in a blink of an eye, a life time in a nano second.
he has taught me so much more about life, than i have taught him....

I don't feel as if i have lost a son (as my mother put it).
No longer do i have to pick up his soggy towels, or wash his clothes, wake him up after lunchtime, or piss and moan at him to put the rubbish out or do the dishes.... AND i don't have to keep feeding him, (bottomless pit this one!) no more stupid arguments and grumpiness and bickering...yeahy!

I will miss his Jamieness, his smiles, and his infectious laughter, the smart arsed comments that make me giggle, his naughtiness, the sound of his voice and his presents in house and of course....his big warm cuddles, he calls me mumma bear, and i like that.

Actually I am really excited about the next phase of our life journey together...

I let him go with love, knowing i have been the best possible mum i could be, and have instilled as much goodness, morals and love as i could cram in there... I'm excited to see what unfolds in life for him, I'm excited to see how he matures and grows in the future, and what adventures he gets up too...


New beginnings
Always my baby
Love you Jamie

it was coming....

There was an odd day a few weeks back, a strangly warm sunny afternoon for winter, i remember getting out of the car, walking to the front door, enjoying the sunshine,

and then i felt it...

the wind, gentle yet strong...

and i heard that voice in my head...

the winds of change are coming...

i know this wind, i have felt it before,

i asked for the changes coming to be painless and positive ones.....

Then i quickly dismissed it, and told myself i was just being silly, and giggled out aloud.....

but deep down .... i knew it was coming.

Does anyone else have these experiences or am i the only "kook"?

i got lost

I got lost, really really lost after the last solstice, i have never suffered from depression before, it just kind of crept up on me ... got me from behind when i wasn't looking.
Came over like a big dark cloud, and stayed for a while.

As the solar eclipse passed, i hung on to what was precious in my life, my boys, my partner, my art, my health, my sanity... then they started to slip away...

Painting.... my passion became a struggle.
Pap test reveals pre cancerous cells,
Fibroids have invaded my womb,
Doctor tells me i have depression, anxiety, and complete exhaustion, prescibes anti depressants...
Have to have time off work to get fixed...no work = no money
My big boy leaves home.... the same weekend i found out my partner has been with another woman.
Sanity slips away
OK universe...how much do want to squeeze into 10 days! ok, maybe it was over a month, but felt like a really short amount of time.

ENOUGH!

Crap!... just re-read my last 2 posts.... didn't see that coming!

wow...What an intense few weeks leading up to winter solstice.

BIG changes for me.

Making those giant leaps into the unknown are terrifying but at the same time exhilarating!

Looks like the universe has some plans.

Winter Solstice

The darkest day, the longest night, a completion of the cycle of seasons, birth, death, rebirth...

At 3.46pm 21st June 2009 the sun was at its most northerly point for the year... from this moment onward the shadows retreat into the underworld and slowly the sun awakens and day by day grows stronger...
My journey turns inward searching for my own inner light, as my cycle comes to an ending, i shed some tears, and let go of old worn and tired out personal clutter... so that my cycle may start afresh, my spirit shine and grow stronger with the light.

What do you dare to dream?
What do you dare to create?

How bright do you dare shine?

Tingly with anticipation of new possibilities, excited and welcoming of new adventures yet to be had, creations yet to be sewn, plant bits yet to be boiled.... i honour the darkness, for with it, it brings the light.

Looking up

outside layers peel... old leaves fall... dead wood drops....

blossoms burst out, new shoots form, growth begins,

it all happened when i wasn't looking...

on my easel...

with an exhibition in september, id better get on with it....

Been painting spirals all year, dont know why...

must look into that a bit more...

going with the flo...

just a little secret between you and me...

i paint with my fingers, dont like using a brush, love getting mukky, love feeling the paint blend and move under my fingers...

the sensation takes me away into that special place, where my spirit likes to journey, where its all quiet and still, i can hear my heart beat...